Good Judgement is for Losers
by clairissazeniarosele
Summary: Marik's Evil Council decides to go into the city to celebrate Halloween. Marik dresses up as a woman because they are, as everyone knows, the most horrifying creatures ever. But then his plans fail and he ends up with Bakura... or was that his plan the whole time? Thiefshipping oneshot (This story is not meant to be offensive to any women, I swear!)


Sanity is overrated anyway

"Hey hey hey hey hey guuuuuys." Marik almost fell off his seat in shock as he heard the annoying voice of the Slenderman.  
"Oh gods, it's him," Bakura commented irritably.  
"Hey hey hey hey hey guuuuuuys," Slenderman called again into their ultra secret lair. "Are you guuuuuuys gonna celebrate the Halloween?"  
"Don't talk to him Mar-" Bakura was cut off as Marik yelled back.  
"What is this Hollow Wean you speak of?"  
Bakura could almost see the smug grin that the Slenderman would've had if he had a face. "It is a time when people dress up as the most horrifying thing they can think of." Bakura could see Marik's face light up like it does when he has a great idea. Until the Slenderman continued by saying that he was going to be Marik.  
Marik looked absolutely desolate. "But I was going to go as myself. After all, I am the one who strikes fear into the hearts of innocent civilians; I am the ultimate, supreme ruler of all that is evil! I am-"  
"- Monologuing again," Bakura finished dryly.  
"You're just jealous because I have an amazing midriff and you don't." Marik stuck his nose up in the air.  
"Well, if you can't think of anything better, you could always go as that friendship girl."  
"Tea?" Marik asked.  
"She has a name?" He coughed. "I am going as Yami; because that's the scariest thing I could think of at the time. Good luck, I have to style the wig." With that, he left.  
"Hmmm. Tea is pretty scary… But all women in general are scary….." He stared forwards blankly. "I WILL BE A WOMAN!"  
From upstairs, Bakura jumped at his loud declaration. "You already are, Marik," he returned.  
Blatantly, ignoring his statement, Marik continued to think. "Women… like skimpy clothes. And have huge breasts…" Peering up at the bowl on the counter, he chose two large melons. "I will frighten everyone with my horrifying girliness!"

Bakura sighed, along with the rest of the council. They had all gotten dressed up, and yet Marik still wasn't here. Just as they were about to leave, a teenaged girl ran out of the underground tomb. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late. The breasts were a killer." Rex and Weevil chuckled suggestively, and Pegasus made a cat-call. Bakura stood perfectly still, his eye twitching.  
"Marik. Is that you in there?" His eye continued to spasm as he took in the image that would now be burned into his brain. "You truly are horrifying."  
Marik grinned. "I try, Fluffy."  
"Not fluffy," Bakura growled back.  
"Aaaaanyway, how do I look guys?" Marik turned around. All of the guys immediately made a thumbs up gesture* Except for one certain spirit who was attempting to search for some sort of mind bleach.  
"We should start Trick-or-Treating, shouldn't we?"  
"What is Tricker Reading?" Marik asked, yet again confused.  
"Brains," Zombie Boy said.  
"Aww that's so good. I have taught you well," Zygor said patting him on the head. At the stares from other council members, he translated what Zombie Boy had said. "He said it's a time when people go and ring doorbells and say 'Trick-or-Treat' and then get candy."  
Bakura raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Zombie sure is more efficient than English." Zombie Boy smirked proudly.  
"Heyyyy, I want candy!" Marik interrupted, putting his pointer finger on his mouth.  
"Then we're off!" Pegasus exclaimed, dragging with him Marik and Zombie Boys. The rest followed, but there was no conversation as everyone's eyes seemed fixated on Marik. Marik kept turning back, claiming that it felt like someone was looking at him.  
"Whoa haha, check out the freak show!" The Pharaoh suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Not even two seconds since seeing each other, and Bakura was already irritated. The spirit of the Millennium Puzzle passed his gaze over the 'freak show' as he so eloquently put it. As he saw Bakura, he cocked an eyebrow and scoffed, but moved on. When he noticed Marik he was immediately shocked. "Pretty girl, what are you doing hanging around with these guys?" Marik glanced behind and around himself, searching for who Yami was referring to. The Pharaoh walked over and draped an arm over his shoulder. "I have so much more~"  
He tried to kiss Marik, so in response, Yami found Marik's fist in his face. Marik screamed, "EWWWWWW, I'M NOT FRIGGING GAY!"  
"MARIK?!" the Pharaoh near screeched, absolutely mortified.  
"Who wants to know?" he asked crossing his arms and pouting.  
"Why are you dressed as a girl…?" Yami questioned, still creeped out.  
"Well, I was told that on Hollow Wean, you 'dress up as the most horrifying thing you can think of' so obviously I'm a woman because as everyone knows, they're absolutely disgusting.  
Yami found himself nodding. "I agree with you fully."  
"Phaaaaaraooohhhhh~~" Tea called out flirtatiously.  
"Speaking of horrifying women…" Yami paled. "I've been trying to ditch her for the last hour."  
"OI FRIENDSHIP CHICK! YOUR LOVER IS OVER HERE!" Bakura called, hoping to piss Yami off.  
"I really do hate you," the Pharaoh said, frowning and shaking his head as said friendship girl latched on to him, practically 'strangling him with love' as she put it later.  
"Hey, Mari- where'd he go?" Bakura asked, looking around. Everyone shrugged except for the Pharaoh who was running around insanely, attempting to pry Tea forcefully from himself. "Oh well. He'll probably show up," he finally concluded after a quick scan of the surrounding environment.  
And with that, the Council's Halloween officially began…

"Hey, I'm not interested, so frig off!" Bakura cracked an eye open and peered down from the tree in which he had been sleeping.  
"Isn't that cute, she thinks she has a choice," one of the offenders said, chuckling.  
"She?" Marik questioned, clutching his bag of candy closer. Bakura sighed and jumped down from the tree. It looked like he'd have to save Marik's ass again.  
"Bitches, this one's with me," he said glaring darkly at the guys surrounding Marik.  
"Bakura! My hero," Marik exclaimed.  
"Marik, my ditz!" Bakura replied. Marik wasn't exactly sure if he meant it as a joke or not.  
"Are you dressed as the King of Games? How old are you; five?" The gang of thugs burst into laughter as the apparent leader cracked said idiotic joke.  
Bakura raised an eyebrow, smirking menacingly. "Actually, I'm three thousand, eight hundred, and fifty-six years old and counting." The men laughed harder.  
The Millennium Ring began to glow…

The rest of the night blurred into candy retrievals and marriage proposals. And this continued until Bakura gave up and convinced Marik to quit. Since they couldn't find the rest of Marik's council, they ended up at Bakura apartment.  
"Hey Fluffy," Marik said emotionlessly, obviously concentrating hard on something.  
"Hey Ditz, what is it?"  
"Help me count my candy." Bakura heard the distinct crinkle of candy wrappers.  
"Are you kidding me?" the age old spirit asked, exasperatedly.  
"No. Come and help me, you Limey!" Sighing in resignation, Bakura walked out of the kitchen with some tea for himself and hot chocolate for Marik (who had specifically demanded it). Bakura had originally considered pouring it on his head at the orders he was receiving from the blonde, but all thoughts were wiped from his mind as he saw Marik.  
Sitting on his rug. In his miniskirt. With his legs open.  
Wearing a thong.  
"Here's your bloody tea," Bakura mumbled, quickly handing the still hot cup to Marik and sat down, deliberately facing away from the crossdressing male.  
"What is it?" Marik asked, feigning innocence. Bakura turned farther away as Marik tried to peer at his face.  
Marik pouted and turned back to his candy, counting one at a time, and when messing up, began all over. Bakura dozed off, only waking up when Marik yelled "one thousand, two hundred and sixty-seven!" He found himself leaning on Marik's shoulder, and quickly sat up so straight that it was uncomfortable to hold the position. Marik looked up, surprised at the sudden movement.  
"Hey Fluffy, I'm tired, can I use your bed?" Marik used the puppy dog eyes on him.  
"Ugh sure. Why not."  
"Thank ya, Fluffy~" Marik walked down the hall to Bakura's room that he somehow knew the location of.  
And Bakura stood up, collapsed on the couch, and passed out.

Bakura awoke late into the afternoon, feeling like someone was pulverizing his head with a meat grinder. (Secretly, he blamed it on spending the night with Marik.) He got up and went to his bedroom. Not finding Marik there, he assumed that Marik had left while he was sleeping.  
As he left to go back to the living room, he walked past the door leading to the bathroom. The door was pushed open, almost hitting Bakura in the back of the head, and Marik waltzed out in his birthday suit. "Oh good, Bakura, you're awake! Where do you keep your towels?"  
Bakura froze, and even though frightened as to what horrors lay in wait behind him, he turned his head around in a slow dramatic manner. Realizing that he should've trusted his better judgment, he once again turned away quickly from Marik, blood trickling from his nose. "Try the hallway cabinet," he quickly muttered, trying to stop the bleeding.  
"'Kay thanks~" Marik pranced down the hall, searching for a towel. Bakura walked to the kitchen also looking for a towel. Of course, both towels were needed for different things (and if they had thoughts, the one Marik had found would be a lot more cheerful than the one Bakura was using in a feeble attempt to stop the blood streaming down his face)  
As Bakura held the towel to his nose, he pondered how he reacted to Marik. And his sexy, sexy body… His nose started bleeding faster, and panicking, Bakura tried to think of anything else. Cold showers… taking a shower with Marik. Ice! Rubbing ice on…  
Oh dear Ra. Bakura banged his head against the table. What was wrong with him! Honestly…  
Marik came out of the hallway, a towel now wrapped safely around his waist. "I heard you whap your head into the table. Did the Pharaoh telepathically commune with you or something?"  
'I wish,' Bakura thought, 'then maybe getting angry at him would drive these annoying hormones away.' But he didn't voice any of this out loud. "No," he said simply.  
"You know, I can read your mind, right?" Bakura froze. Marik cracked up. "Ahaha kidding, Fluffy! You're obviously hiding something from me since you freaked out but…" He sat on the stool next to Bakura. "Do tell."  
Bakura put on his poker face. "Would you hate me if I did something weird?"  
"Uh no?" Marik lost his smarticles and looked confused; as he seemed to look often.  
Without consulting his better judgment (Apparently he doesn't have this, or else he would've learned last time), Bakura leaned forwards towards Marik and claimed his lips as his own. And to his great and not so unpleasant surprise, Marik kissed him back.

They broke apart and Marik wrapped his arms around Bakura. "You're squishy, Bakura."  
"I'm and evil spirit bent on world domination. I'm not squishy!" he replied, crossing his arms and glaring at Marik.  
Marik ignored the glare and continued to annoy him. "I beg to differ."  
"Come to my bedroom, and we'll see how squishy I am then." Bakura smirked perversely.  
"Was that supposed to be a pick-up line?" Marik returned the grin.

"Hey Marik?" Bakura questioned the next morning.  
"Yeeeeess?"  
"First of all; where did you even get that girls' outfit?" Bakura asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Oh," Marik paused for a second. "Well, my sister sent it as a joke… I hope."  
"You hope?" Bakura had a sneaking suspicion what Marik had just implied in that statement.  
"I'm not sure if she knows I'm a guy or not… It's very offensive," Marik said starting to sulk.  
"Even your own sister… And second of all," Bakura glanced in Marik's direction to see what his response would be before continuing. "Are you ever going to ever wear it again?"  
Marik's eyes near popped out of his head. "Wha?"

**CZR: Oh wow, so this is my first oneshot, not to mention a holiday themed oneshot! And it is based off of Yugioh abridged! :D (I am neither the creator of Yugioh or Yugioh abridged. They belong to Kazuki Takahashi and LittleKuriboh/CardgamesFTW/Martin Billany respectively.) And if cares, I've been listening to Yugioh abridged the entire time while typing this c:  
Bakura: Claire, no one gives a shit about you; they're just reading this because it's Thiefshipping.  
CZR: Oh. *Looks toward ground*  
Ryou: Don't be mean, 'Kura!  
Bakura: It's just who I am, Landlord.  
CZR: *Pushes Bakura to ground* So I wanted to post this on Halloween, but I couldn't wait because I had written this at the beginning of the month and I needed to post this xD And also I wanted to discourage all those men who plan to dress as women for Halloween, some of them are kind of scary ^^; Not all of them make as nice women as Marik~  
Bakura: He does make a very nice woman…**

R&R people. It would make me happy~ Also, if you plan to flame, at least give me some criticism to work off of for my next stories.  
Love ya, readers!


End file.
